I dedicate all my words to those from my past who want me to stop talking.

Photo of author: Once a writer, always a writer

I used to be a good girl, otherwise known as a girl who only had nice things to say about the men around her and if she didn’t have anything nice to say then she better keep that shit to herself.

I also was a tomboy, backyard pool diving champion…


My first year as a teenager wasn’t pretty

Photo by Anne Nygård on Unsplash

“She eats too much roughage,” the doctor told my mother. My midnight stomachaches had persisted over a long enough period of time to necessitate medical intervention.

“You know,” the white-haired man continued, “salad — it’s too much fiber. She needs to cut back on fruits and vegetables.” He peered over…


Need a project? Go to IKEA instead.

Photo by Eugen Str on Unsplash

Nothing gets us in trouble more than the belief we can “fix” someone we love.

People may indeed be works in progress, but it’s not our job to fix anyone but ourselves. When we rely on the notion that we have the power to change another person, we are setting…


Photo by NeONBRAND on Unsplash

Fear was what led me to go back to the man who had destroyed my world and left my heart shattered in a million pieces.

It wasn’t love. It wasn’t loyalty. It wasn’t even loneliness.

Fear of the unknown became the emotion that overpowered all the others — anger, defiance…


When the trauma bond is a drug you can’t seem to quit

Photo by Mario Azzi on Unsplash

Picture this: You know something is bad for you. You know all it does is bring you pain. You know that no good will come from it. And yet like a moth to light you can’t help but be drawn to it.

You also know that no one watching from…


Photo by Camylla Battani on Unsplash

With everyone throwing the label around nowadays, have you ever wondered if you are actually the narcissist?

There is one easy way to tell.

If you’ve asked yourself this question, then the answer is simple: No, you are not.

Here’s why: Narcissists don’t self-reflect. They wouldn’t ask this question because…


Or any other toxic person.

Photo by Marten Newhall on Unsplash

It’s all about boundaries, baby.

If you want to spot a narcissist, put up a boundary. Then enforce that boundary.

Example: Someone is pushing you to move too fast in a relationship. You say you want to slow it down.

A healthy person will be all “Cool. Totally respect that.”


Confessions from an abuse survivor

Photo by Tonik on Unsplash

It was our fifth date. The first four having consisted of talking, a little hand-holding, a little kissing, and more talking. Nothing serious. Super casual. I was, as always, on high alert. Not in a paranoid or cynical sort of way. …


And why I’m not stopping any time soon

Photo by Alena Jarrett on Unsplash

If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better. Anne Lamott

Everyone and their brother, sister, and mother are talking about narcissists these days. It seems you can’t go a minute without someone tossing the label up in the air and seeing where it lands.


Living the lie of abuse

Photo of the author during one of her most painful years.

Every so often, Facebook will bring up “memories” of past posts I made. For the most part, I enjoy being reminded of where I was and what I was doing at any given time.

As long as it’s after 2013.

But when “See your Facebook memories from 9 years ago…

Suzanna Quintana

Founder of The Narcissist Relationship Recovery Program * B.A. Women & Gender Studies * B.A. History * Abuse Recovery Coach * www.suzannaquintana.com

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store